About the Happy Monkey Project

Since around the time I hit puberty, I've been struggling with depression. It comes and goes in severity, but it's almost always present to some degree. Lately I feel that I'm nearing my breaking point. To be perfectly frank, I think about things like dying much more often than I should. This is not my way of saying I'm suicidal -- I'm not. But it could reach that point, I realize, and I'm sick of being sick of living. I have a lot going for me, really, and I hate the fact that I can't seem to appreciate or enjoy it all.

So I'm reaching out, and I need your help. This blog is going to contain very personal topics, as well as details that will bore the pants off of you. It's an experiment, really -- my goal is to use the internet to both document the steps I'm taking to better myself and to gain the support of anyone who takes the time to follow my quest. I'll be documenting my days, my meals, my goals, my failures. I know that there are certain changes that I can make to my lifestyle -- diet, exercise, and general productivity -- that may very well bring me to the place I need to be. The added benefits are obvious -- I will become healthier, more attractive, more confident, and will hopefully achieve other goals as well. I considered starting a private journal, something that I scribble in each day. But I know myself, and I won't hold myself accountable. I will journal for a day or two, and then I will bury the journal away and forget about it. Because I can. Because no one will bother me about it. But if I put this out there for the world to see, then maybe, just maybe, I will keep with it.

So I ask you to check in with me when you can, read my story, comment if you wish, and most importantly, give me your support. Tell me you think I'm doing a good job. Tell me you're proud of me. Or, if need be, tell me that I suck and I need to get back with it. You may be my friend or you may be a stranger -- it doesn't matter to me. This is my last chance to make myself better before going the route of anti-depressants -- a route I'd love to avoid. Please follow my blog and be a part of my success story!