Boo.

I'm completely uninterested in blogging right now, but my pesky sister insists. (I'm joking, by the way, about the pesky part, since that's precisely why this blog was created.)

I have been slacking in the food department and have not been losing any weight. I feel grotesque. I did go running three times, but have not been doing great with that this week. We did go out for a walk yesterday evening, which was nice, and I ran for a tiny, tiny portion of it, but I hardly count that.

I learned today of my fifth MFA rejection. I have one school left to hear from, and it's a beast -- insanely competitive. Which is to say I will not be getting in anywhere this year. Can I now say I told you so? I was not just being humble when I doubted my chances of admission. Still, it hurts. I tried to prepare myself, but it hurts. Bad. I'm questioning the hell out of myself right now, and trying not to quit writing.

I HAVE been working consistently on my novel, though this week has just been zooish in the evenings and I've been so tired. But I have five chapters completed (though they're short chapters). Furthest I've ever gotten.

I'm just really tired. I don't want to do anything. I don't feel particularly depressed...just...hohum. Blah. A general malaise. Or not even malaise...just...apathy, I guess.

Boo.

A Pat on the Back

It's 1 in the morning and I'm about to retire at last, but I wanted to take a moment to pat myself on the back. I was feeling a bit down by evening. The kids were starting to get to me: the boys are rambunctious and it begins to wear on my nerves at some point; Norah was somewhat fussy throughout the day; the house was a disaster and I just didn't have the energy to even begin to tackle it all, especially with the knowledge that whatever I cleaned would just be undone a second later. Vitor met a co-worker for drinks after work and didn't get home until after 8, and by that point I was feeling defeated and just generally glum. But when the kids went to bed, instead of camping out on the couch and taking a brief break before beginning another day just like this one, I decided to take Stella out for a nice, much-needed walk. And when I got back, I felt a little merrier. I had some popcorn, watched some TV, then showered and decided to tackle the kitchen. I got all the dishes done, scrubbed the stove and countertops, de-cluttered, etc. I feel quite a bit better now. Of course it WILL be undone tomorrow. That's just what happens. But at least I won't wake up to an overflowing sink and grime and toys on the floor.

But now off to bed so that I will have the energy to face another day. The weather's supposed to be decent tomorrow -- maybe we'll get around and walk Thalia to school again. Maybe.

Blah...

I'm amazingly crabby and overwhelmed by the mess that is my house. Didn't feel like doing much of anything today.

Aujourd'hui

I spent a few hours at a coffee shop last night and got two chapters written. I chose that location because I didn't leave home until after 8 and all of my other choices closed at 9:30 or 10; this place stays open until 11. I didn't want to have to leave just when I was getting into a groove. The only negative about a coffee shop versus a library is that I feel the need to buy something. I ordered a hot chocolate, and then, because my will power sucks, I got a bottled cream soda. Oh well. Could have been worse.

I feel maybe a little less tired lately. Norah has been sleeping better, and I'm sure that exercise and the improvements in my diet have helped as well. I don't feel as productive as I'd like on a daily basis, but I'm not moping around in bed all day, so that's an improvement.

Today:

-track foods
-dishes
-water plants
-clean my bedroom
-work in bathroom
-shower
-read

God, it's taken me forever just to get this much written (my kids have the audacity to expect me to pay attention to them) so I'm signing off now.

I ran...

I ran so far away...

Okay, I really didn't run far at all, but I RAN! In the RAIN!! ME!! I edited my list yesterday to add training for the Sparkpeople Virtual 5k, which I've signed up to complete with my sisters next month. It's not really an event...it's just an online commitment and training program. No cost or anything, and you can map your own route. We're going to walk and run, so I'm doing training for that. I kinda can't believe I did that last night.

This morning I put the baby in her mei tai, the todd in his stroller, and walked with all four of my offspring to drop Thalia off at school, as the weather was pleasant when we woke up. It's chilly now, so I'm glad we did that while we could.

I didn't get everything done yesterday that I wanted, but I did pretty well. My list for today:

-go for a walk with the kids
-short walk with Stella this evening (she's got cabin fever, I can tell)
-Wii Fit (balance board should be good to go today)
-go to the library tonight to write
-sweep floors
-laundry
-dishes
-tidy up the house
-track foods on Sparkpeople
-grocery store

That's all I'm going to put on the list for now. I want to keep it manageable and it's sometimes difficult to do much more just because I do have a needy baby to deal with. She's in bed now, though, so I should go do something! Au revoir.

And we're back!

All right all right all right. I have been doing a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad job at keeping up with this blog and with my goals. But I am BACK! New strategy: I'm going to try posting my goals for the day, and then checking back in to track my progress.

Today I would like to accomplish the following:

-work a little in the bathroom that we're demolishing
-work on a painting (oh yeah, I'm going to paint pictures and sell them on etsy...I will post the link to my store once I have it up and running but it'll be a little while because I paint with oils and they take forever to dry...so I'm not ready yet)
-do a little Wii Fit (I'm scrapping this because my balance board needed new batteries and I'm going for a run later)
-shower (yeah, so I have to put this on my list, you wanna make somethin' of it?)
-put laundry away
-do dishes
-sweep the floors
-do a little writing, maybe (might not have time if I'm also going to paint)
-walk Stella this evening
-track what I eat on Sparkpeople
-grocery shop
-read (I LOVE Lolita - can't believe I'd never read it...Nabokov was a genius)
-walk/run, weather permitting (5k training)

I may return and add things to the list. I will be crossing out what I do accomplish. We'll see how this goes. I had bad migraines last Thursday and Friday. On Friday the pain was so great that I truly just wanted to die. And I was at home alone with a baby and a toddler. It was miserable. Vitor couldn't get away from work to relieve me until the afternoon, and by that time the pain was manageable. I don't know why the migraines happened, or why I've been having mild headaches every day since. In the past my migraines have been connected to hormones. It could be that, or it could be my shitty diet. So. I need to get back on track. I also hate hate hate my body right now. I feel revolting. And the stupid thing is that when I eat right and exercise a little, my body responds well. So I have no excuses. Let's do this, Abby.

Still trying...

I find it difficult to eat well when I'm away from home during a meal. Yesterday I had a doctor appointment at 11. My mom watched the babies, and then I drove home with them, and we drove through Burger King because it was already almost 1 and I knew Julian would be sleeping when we got home and would therefore take a nap without eating any lunch. Ugh. So last night I went to the store and bought a bunch of Lean Pockets and some pre-made salads that I like and fruit and snack stuff and yadda yadda and I hope I can knock off this fast food shit. I'm having a really hard time quitting soda, too.

Last night I spent a couple of hours writing. I now have a title that I'm very happy with, plus two completed chapters. Yay!

Super tired every day, but not feeling depressed. I've been trying to take Stella for a nice walk every night but haven't otherwise been exercising...I need to.